I AM AN ENGINEER

                    I still remember that day. I was as happy as anyone else in my class. I was happy that I had entered into an engineering college. I was happy with the thought of becoming an engineer after 4 years. ‘Don’t be very happy only because you are going to be an engineer. Now a days anyone and everyone is becoming one’- these sentences from a faculty forced me to rethink about my decision of pursuing a b.tech degree. I started worrying: have I cought the wrong train?

                    I entered into the second year of my engineering career. I started learning a lot of things. I learned to tolerate the long boring lectures, I learned to fake an image of an obedient student, I learned to bunk the classes. I learned to expect an ‘E grade’  in a paper in which I should have got a ‘back’ and I learned not to be surprised when I got a ‘back’ in a paper in which I did fairly well.

                   Somehow I completed 2^nd year. The columns in the newspapers: ‘xxx company fired 10,000 engineers’, which used to come out in regular intervals, bothered me equally as they bothered my parents. But I just pretended that I am not worried at all. Over the years I made a different image of an engineer: engineers never care for anything. I fell in love because of misunderstanding and broke-up when I understood that it was not love. I learned how to get-over a hangover.

                   Finally I became a final year student. Facebook became the most important book for me. I have completed 3 years of my engineering career and less than a year is remaining. Still, I have that question in my mind. Had I cought the wrong train? Was it a mistake? But, now ,the fact is, I don’t care if it was a mistake. I am happy for the mistake that I had done 4 years back. I am happy for being an engineer. Life could not have been any better.

19

                                                                    19

‘where were you yesterday,swayamsu?’, pipasa demanded,’I called and texted you so many times. 

You didn’t call back neither did you care to drop a message’.

She narrowed her eyes and looked at me. Rahul, lalu , saina and pipasa herself were waiting for my reply.

That is the kind of worry and concern I wanted to see in pipasa. I suppressed my thrill and gave her some vague answer.

‘shut up. I’m in no mood to listen to your craps’- she groaned.

‘neither are we’- said rahul with a filthy smile on his face.

‘tell us what is it’- saina said with irritation.

‘what is what’- I was least bothered.

‘what is it that you were doing yesterday and not teling us now’

I was undeterred by her reaction. The sheer pleasure that one gets by keeping so many people at the edge of suspense is something difficult to describe. And I was enjoying that pleasure.

‘you are an idiot’- said pipasa. Anger was clearly visible on her face and in her words.

‘how can you say so?’- I asked.

‘don’t you know that you are an idiot?’

‘yes, I know. But how can you say such things about me?’

Rahul and lalu laughed out while saina successfully suppressed it. Pipasa picked her stuff and walked stiffly out of that place. Saina decided to follow her.

‘so what is it you asshole?’-rahul asked as soon as they left.

‘and this time better you don’t reply with a ‘what is what’’- lalu joined.

‘no secrets,yaar. I just wanted to see how much she cares for me. the concern on her face told it all’

‘on whose face and what did it tell ’- umesh asked as deb and umesh came into that room and joined us.

All three of us looked at each other and preferred to remain silent.

‘come on,the whole college knows it’- umesh said.

‘knows what’- lalu inquired.

‘about swayamsu and pipasa’

I could see the discomfort on deb’s face. May be everyone else also noticed that.

‘and what do they know about us?’-I entered into the conversation.

‘that you love her and trying hard to impress her’- deb said evincing his discomfort even more.

‘and what makes them think so?’- I asked,surprised.

‘it’s all word of mouth. Don’t need any logic.’- umesh explained.

‘hey umesh, let’s go to the library. I have to reissue a book’deb demanded and both of them left.

Noticing the embarrassment on my face rahul said,’relax yaar, how does it matter as long as both of you love each other’.

‘do they actually like each other? I mean don’t you think there should be a solid commitment?’ lalu said thoughtfully.

‘and what do you mean by solid commitment?’- I asked.

‘why don’t you propose her and make things clear, for you and for every one’

‘make clear what? That I’m running after her and trying to impress her?’

‘come on, girls are too sigh to express their feelings ’- rahul philosophized.

‘don’t make it too late’- lalu advised.

I was wondering that how much late is too late. Wasn’t it a bit too early? Love is more enjoyable the unsaid way. By expressing it things will become very predictable. I gave myself a few logics for not proposing her. There was a time when I was keen to propose her. I couldn’t really think what had change over a few months.

May be there was something(someone) else at the back of my mind. May be I was afraid of commitment, may be I was not sure how I felt about her at that time, or may be someone else’s thoughts were invisibly stopping me from taking that step.

18

                                   18

‘:p :p :p’- I saw on my mobile screen as I opened the message from pipasa.

I was amazed or rather shocked. I was wondering what to reply. I decided to go with 6 similar smileys.

‘:p :p :p :p :p :p’

She was expecting something else from me.

‘what???’- she sent.

‘what what??????’- I replied.

‘don’t you want to talk?’

How could she reach to such a conclusion. I couldn’t decide what to reply now. The same sentence twice!!! The idea seemed stupid. I opened the window of my room to get some fresh air in. It was raining. Slowly. With an ambiguous mind, I couldn’t enjoy the subtleties of the drizzle outside. I got back to my bed and typed.

‘oh….yes….obviously I do……well, I m very poor in starting conversations……in fact I m not getting a topic to talk about’

I stretched sleepily in my bed, arching my back and waited for her reply.

‘topic????? Hw abt love???’

‘oh love……interesting topic’- an excited ‘i’ replied.

This was the topic I wanted, that I had waited for days.

‘have u evr been in love?’- I sent again before she could reply to my last message.

‘every1 falls in love’- came her reply.

I was apprehensive. Does this mean ‘yes’ ?  Was it me with whom she was in love? Was it someone back from her school and intermediate days? Or was it someone else from our college itself?

I tried to erase all these questions from my mind, and couldn’t erase any. The questions were trying to break free of some invisible manacles in my mind. These questions were searching for answers.

‘and who z dat luckiest guy???’- I decided to go with this universally accepted sentence to form that question.

‘that I’ll tell u later. And u ???’- she preferred not to answer my question and to keep me confused.

I didn’t know what to say. Again. And I don’t know why I was so helpless in answering her questions.

‘and I . . . ‘- I replied with 3 dots reciprocating her 3 question marks.

‘you r trying to be diplomatic’- she sent.

‘diplomatic ’ was not the right adjective for what I was doing, I thougt. But then I was not interested to correct her or rather to search the right word to describe my action.

‘and I don’t know’- I replied, replacing the dots with words.

‘I m nt a fool 2 believe ur 'I dnt knw'. Hw can sum1 be so ignorant abt his love!!!’

‘oh…no…. I m nt ignorant…. I m bloody confused.’

And she was the one who had kept me confused. Time and again.

I waited for a few minutes and she didn’t reply. I went out of my room leaving the mobile there on my bed. I looked down from the balcony. I looked up into the dark clouds. I didn’t want to dwell in confusion.

But the truth was still the truth. While pipasa had never given me clear indication about our relationship., barsha had come into my life as an intruder. It was not my mistake that I was confused. Situation had made me so.

I saw the picture of pipasa and barsha passing before my eyes and being flushed by the rain, for ever. But both of them survived in my heart, or that is what I felt.............

17

                                                                       17

I,along with rahul and bidya, was standing just in front of our class-room, when the girls' hostel bus arrived. Pipasa couldn’t help smiling as she walked past us.

‘I see you’re very happy’- I said.

‘yes’, she said simply, her eyes resting on my face for a few seconds.

Rahul and lalu decided to leave to allow us a private talk, thankfully. Saina joined them.

‘you look even happier than me’, pipasa said, looking up at me, more confidently this time.

She paused and frowned.

‘techfest effect!!!! Hmmm………!!!!!!’

Pipasa began smiling again.

‘well’, I said,’ you are not laughing at me, are you???? ’

‘I’m not laughing at all,’ said pipasa.

‘smiling,I meant’

‘no, not at you’, said pipasa, ’at myself’, almost laughing this time.

‘ohhh………that is mysterious and confusing………………’- I said.

‘ There is nothing new about you being confused. You always are, and sometimes for nothing .’

Now we could see professor mishra coming towards our class and decided to go in before he reached.

My eyes followed her pink salwar for a few seconds as we settled in our respective seats. The image of barsha came into my mind. Pink is the wrong colour for her complexion, I thought. My attention veered to a new object of contemplation.

‘ You’re not writing anything today???????’- rahul shook my hand almost bringing me back from my exaggerated thoughtful contemplation.

‘oh’, I said, suddenly self-conscious.

I tried to bring back my concentration into the class. I saw pipasa and saina writing wverything that was written or even spoken by the faculty religiously. Bidya, as usual, was listening to the faculty carefully. He always preferred to understand the concept rather than writing down everything told. Rahul was studying- or was trying to study- I could not decipher.

After taking a view of all those who mattered for me, I decided to listen to the faculty, finally. Having missed first few minutes of the class, I found it difficult to follow.

The class got over and students started leaving the class one after another. We decided to sit back and let others leave first.

‘hey man……see the back of meenakshi……….everything is visible…….her dress is so fucking transparent………’- rahul said, excited, as bidya and I looked forward.

Meenakshi was wearing a white salwar that exposed more of her wearings than our eyes were privileged or prepared to see in reality.

‘she needs a carrot man’- rahul uttered spontaneously.

I decided to leave the class before I could picture the whole scene………..THE WHOLE SCENE………………….;)

16

                                 16

I had difficulty in sleeping that night. Girls have the ability to steal your sleep and even if you sleep, they will enter into your dream, effortlessly.

I preferred my black-pink combination to wear the next morning. Black-pink combination was pipasa’s favorite. So I expected other girls to like that combination as well. But I didn’t have a tie to match that. I took my cell and dialed smarak’s number to get me his tie. He drove all the way to my home and gave me his tie.

As anshuman and I entered the ITER campus for the second consequtive day, I started to search for opportunities to implement my plan successfully. We went to the registration counter expecting barsha to be present there. But I had to be disappointed.

We entered the main building and wandered through the corridors. It was 10.30 and time for a new event ‘CodeC’- which was a C coding competition. I was miserably bad in C unlike anshuman. He was a master of C programming.

Anshuman started moving towards the room no. 34-c to participate in ‘CodeC’. I started following him without even an iota of interest. I unconscious turned to left while walking found a familiar face in front of my eyes. I was elated to see her again. I was elated to see barsha again.

She greeted me with an usual ‘hi’ and I replied with the same. After meeting barsha I dropped the idea of participating in ‘CodeC’. Anshuman gave me an irritating look, but I ignored that. Barsha suggested to go to the cafeteria. Girls have views and preferences of their own.and it was unlikely for me to put down her suggestion.

The cafeteria was a rather crowded place than what I had expected. May be more because of the ongoing techfest. We searched for a vacant table and finally got one.

‘2 coffees please’- she ordered, as we settled down.

We talked on various topics. But one thing I discovered that she was not that much talkative as the girls usually are. Suddenly my cell rang putting a break in our discussion. It was pipasa.

‘good morning’- she said from the other side before I could say something.

It was for the second time on that day she had wished me good morning apart from the message in the morning. She was calling from the college after completion of the second class.

‘how is your day????? What are you doing now??????’- she asked, her voice, concerned.

‘mmmmmm……..i m in the cafeteria with a friend’

‘friend??????who??????anshuman????’

I paused for a few seconds.

‘hello’- she said suspecting a network problem.

‘ahhhhhh………….yes………….listen…………..i’ll call you later………….not getting your voice clearly’

She cut the call. I hoped the next class had started.

Barsha and I talked for the next few minutes. We exchanged contact numbers. Barsha cought a friend’s eye and waved towards her. Her friend wanted barsha to go with her. Barsha paid  the bill,finally,  as all my efforts to convince her failed.

And I was happy as I spent some time with her, got her contact number, with zero investment!!!!!!!

15

                                     15

It was already 2.30 and the lunch break was declared. Anshuman and I rushed to the canteen to satisfy our hunger. The canteen was much better and bigger than ours. Anshuman and I settled for a rs 30 ‘thali’ which was reasonably good.

Barsha came and sat down to have her lunch in the adjacent table  with a friend of hers. Thankfully, a girl!!!Yes, she was there, in front of me. Again!!! I was pleasantly surprised. My eyes continuously shifted from my plate to her. I alleviated my speed of eating and waited for her to finish. I noticed she was also ogling at me with a ‘tirchee nazar’. I got up as soon as she completed her lunch and rushed to the washing place. May be she noticed it.

I came out of the canteen and waited for her to come out. I had decided to start the conversation with her, finally. Same thing was in her mind, I hoped. Anshuman stared at me, unable to understand what was going on.

‘you do one thing…… wait for me near the academic block for five minutes…..will meet u in five minutes…’

He wanted to ask something….i could read from his face.

‘I’ll tell you everything later’. I pushed him away. He had no other choice but to go.

I saw barsha coming out of canteen . I checked my hair on my large mobile screen  for the last time before talking to her.

She came out and gave a smile on seeing me before the canteen. May be she was expecting me to be there!!!!

“hi, I am swayamsu”- I took my right hand forward to shake hands with her.

“hi….and I am….”

“barsha”- I interrupted her, “I know your name and the reality , in fact, is I had read it from your identity card at the registration counter”. I tried to act smart to impress her.

“and the augmented reality is I even know your name from the paper presentation session”- she said with a smile on her face and we shook hands.

Her hand was soft; the handshake was warm!!!!!

She was soft-spoken and had a sweet feminine voice that sounded sensuous to me. her hair was smooth, silky and long. Her eyes were brownish. I liked her….

We talked for quite a few minutes and after sometime she begged excuse as she had some work. She walked away and vanished in the crowd and I stood right there, stunned!!! It was not that easy to get over her soft hair, intelligent eyes and lovely features.

I went back to the academic block where anshuman was waiting for me. we participated in two other events before the day ended. I had started planning about the 2^nd day of the techfest, which was going to be held for 3 consequtive days. 

14

                           14

“INSTITUTE OF TECHNICAL EDUCATION AND RESEARCH” –I could read the huge board when I was a few hundred metres away. I was heading to ITER to participate in ‘CHAKRAVYUH’, the annual techfest of the institute. Anshuman was accompanying. We entered the main gate which proudly declared the organization of 10^th technical festival of the institute. Both of us went in and joined one of the 10 different queues to get us registered  for the techfest.

I took out 500 rupees from my wallet and gave it to the girl, who was there at the registration counter, as she passed me a file with the list of all the events printed on it.  I said ‘thank you’ and she smiled with a ‘welcome’  on her lips, as I turned back to walk out of the queue. But my eyes demanded to have another look at her.

“ohhh my gooddd!!!!”, I wondered, admiring her perfect shape beneath her black blazer. An investment of 500 rupees had started showing signs of profit from the very beginning!!!!

To call her beautiful or hot will be an understatement. She was something beyond that can be expressed in words. But I can certainly say, she was responsible for global warming, to a great extent.

Anshuman read out some of the events from the list that he thought we should participate. I was barely listening.

“you are not listening”- he said.

“certainly, I am”- I grinned.

“I think, we should go and get ourselves numbered in the paper presentation and after finishing that we will think of participating in other events”.

I nodded and both of is headed towards the academic block where the paper presentation was scheduled to be held. We entered into the conference room. We sat in the 3^rd row after getting ourselves numbered at 13. We were discussing about our presentation and after a few minutes we turned back only to notice a crowd of more than 200 in the hall, with almost all the seats filled up.

My eyes stopped on someone in the first line. I had seen her somewhere. It was her, BARSHA, the girl who was there at the reception counter. I had read her name from her identity card at the time of registration. This time I got to see her from the back and her perfect shape mesmerized me, again. It was magic!!!!

Our turn came and we went onto the podium amd presented our topic ‘augmented reality’. After completing our presentation we waited for questions from the audience. She raised her hand and asked.

“At least for the moment, I've found Augmented Reality to be one of those things that you just have to show people, because most folks have a hard time seeing it in their minds. What's your take on evangelizing Augmented Reality to the masses ?”

"Yes, often you have to show people but I describe Augmented Reality to be the technology that allows us to remove the shackles from the web and place it where it's most helpful, around us in those places it describes.  Every square inch of the world from ground to sky is chock full of information from history, to culture, to science.  Augmented Reality allows us to get at that data where it's most valuable."

I answered to her question and she looked satisfied. May be she was impressed as well. After a few more questions from the judges and the audience we came back to our place. In the rest part of the paper presentation, I only ogled at her. She looked amazing……..